Running on Empty... | markpaul's Blog

Lately I have been noticing how people seem to be coupled, traveling in packs of friends. And, while my observations reveal a layer of envy, I know I don't have the qualifications to sustain a friendship of any kind. Running behind, I don't have the social skills or the personal fortitude to relate to others on any type of sustainable personal level. So, I remain an outsider looking in at the interaction most people seem to desire and enjoy, secretly craving the same activity and attention they seem to trade naturally, but hyper-aware that activity is not intended for me. As I find myself running on empty I wonder if I am tricking myself into believing...
  • I am incapable of friendships
  • Friendships are not meant for me
  • I am better off alone
  • I enjoy being alone
  • My purpose is to be alone

It's not that I am unhappy or dissatisfied. Not by a long-shot. But, if that's truly the case, I should not find myself running on empty. Right...?

This Blog Entry's Comment Board
There are no comments on this post yet, be the first to leave one!
Your Comment:

Previous Posts
Coming to the conclusion I am unlikable..., posted May 22nd, 2015
Advancing, but failing to make progress..., posted May 6th, 2015
Revealing more, but not enough. Maybe the next time..., posted April 26th, 2015
Coming closer, but then silence (-----) kicks in..., posted March 18th, 2015
Looking for a way out..., posted March 8th, 2015
Prying the door open and then it slams shut..., posted January 11th, 2015
Getting somewhere, but not sure where..., posted December 21st, 2014
Another attempt to understand myself..., posted November 15th, 2014
Abruptly avoiding what needs to be said..., posted November 14th, 2014
Examining my feelings in weak increments..., posted November 10th, 2014
Confirmation from an unexpected source..., posted October 25th, 2014
An overheard conversation and Batman..., posted September 24th, 2014
Viewing myself from outside and other excerpts..., posted September 12th, 2014
Mother and Son visit..., posted July 21st, 2013
Seeing my low self-esteem for what it really is..., posted February 15th, 2013
Seeing my low self-esteem for what it really is..., posted February 14th, 2013
Hard-coded to be alone..., posted February 10th, 2013
The emptiness of it all..., posted February 10th, 2013
Running on Empty..., posted November 11th, 2012
Note to self... and reply, posted January 1st, 2012
Getting it straight..., posted July 17th, 2011
"They're writing songs of love, but not for me...", posted December 26th, 2010
The front door..., posted November 14th, 2010
Perhaps next time..., posted October 31st, 2010
The power of the power box..., posted August 22nd, 2010
A self-imposed lost connection..., posted August 1st, 2010
On being blank..., posted May 30th, 2010
And, I love her still..., posted May 14th, 2010, 2 comments
"You always love people on your way out...", posted May 2nd, 2010, 2 comments
An orange and cloves..., posted April 28th, 2010, 4 comments
The scent of rotting self-confidence..., posted April 28th, 2010
"All the lonely people...", posted April 25th, 2010
My "over-exposure" limit..., posted April 22nd, 2010
I love YOU, but..., posted April 20th, 2010
Fear of intimacy..., posted April 19th, 2010, 1 comment
Emotional Control, posted April 18th, 2010

Here are some friends' blogs...

How to Embed Photos in your Blog Embed Photos How to Embed Videos in your Blog Embed Videos